Top 10 Weezer Everything

{In Order is a feature reserved for days where we can’t meet our promise of deeply-analyzed content every single weekday. In their place, we put a rushed, biased list from one of our authors, which will hopefully evoke rabid and emotional discussion in the comments section.}

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Weezer. A band we love to hate, still love to love, who haven’t put out even a relatively good album in over a decade, yet still put enough decent songs on each record that the concept of another good record down the road isn’t as absurd a notion as it should be. For better or worse, they’ve put out a lot of music since their 2001 comeback. Spoilers: you won’t find a lot of it in the first top 10.

10 Best Weezer Songs

10. “Holiday”
9. “Island In The Sun”
8. “Undone: The Sweater Song”
7. “Burndt Jam”
6. “Why Bother?”
5. “Buddy Holly”
4. “El Scorcho”
3. “My Name Is Jonas”
2. “Say It Ain’t So”
1. “The Good Life”

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10 Best Weezer Albums

10. Death To False Metal
9. Make Believe
8. Raditude
7. Hurley
6. The Red Album
5. The Green Album
4. Maladroit
3. Songs From a Black Hole (theoretically)
2. Pinkerton
1. The Blue Album

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10 Post-Maladroit Songs That Would Comprise a Decent Album, I Guess (Proper Sequencing Attempted)

1. “The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)”
2. “Ruling Me”
3. “Perfect Situation”
4. “Pork and Beans”
5. “(If You’re Wondering If You Want Me To) I Want You To”
6. “Peace”
7. “Dreamin'”
8. “Miss Sweeney”
9. “Unspoken”
10. “I’m Your Daddy”
(Actually, I’d listen the shit out of this. Playlist being made now.)

10 Most Embarrassing Weezer Songs

10. “Everybody Get Dangerous”
9.  “Where’s My Sex?”
8. “My Best Friend”
7. “In The Mall”
6. “The Girl Got Hot”
5. “Smart Girls”
4. “Heart Songs”
3. “We Are All On Drugs”
2. “I Can’t Stop Partying” (feat. Lil’ Wayne)
1. “Beverly Hills”
(I won’t divulge which 2 of these I secretly jam out to… but they’re both off Raditude.)

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10 Theories As To Why Weezer 2.0 Wasn’t As Good

10. No more college bummed Rivers out.
9. No more Asian co-eds bummed Rivers out.
8. Matt Sharpe stole Rivers’ infinite songbook on his way out the door (and ate it).
7. Rivers stopped doing drugs.
6. Rivers started doing drugs.
5. We are all on drugs.
4. Weezer 1.0 was the walrus.
3. Pen-pal from “Across The Sea” stopped writing back.
2. Too much time in the sun with Hurley.
1. 9/11

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3 responses to “Top 10 Weezer Everything

  1. Everything about Beverly Hills is absolutely horrible. It sounds like it was knocked out in ten minutes because the band needed one more song. There’s no melody, no chorus, nothing going on musically except some generic guitar and drumming that sounds like someone slapping a cardboard box. And the lyrics are so tossed off it sounds like Rivers stole from his own 7th grade poetry. The entire song is the sound of someone not trying.

  2. i’m personally offended that more songs from Pinkerton aren’t in the top ten list. at least give me “Tired Of Sex” and “Pink Triangle.” and that that Damned Blue Album is always number 1 on Weezer Best Album Lists instead of Pinkerton.

  3. Pingback: Recent Musical Obsessions | rsmithing·

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